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Pages:
2 pages/≈550 words
Sources:
No Sources
Style:
APA
Subject:
Literature & Language
Type:
Essay
Language:
English (U.S.)
Document:
MS Word
Date:
Total cost:
$ 7.2
Topic:

The Business of Bishop Gorman Baseball Literature & Language Essay

Essay Instructions:

Write peer reviews for 2 profile papers from 1st year writing class. All the instructions and papers are attached below. Feel free to reach me if any questions.

Essay Sample Content Preview:

Peer Reviews
Name of Student
Institutional Affiliation
Peer Reviews
The Business of Bishop Gorman Baseball
Your article details the life of a high school baseball coach, Sam. It narrates the day-to-day activities of the coach, his history, and how hard he has worked over the years to make his team better. The story, to some extent, also explores the history of Bishop Gorman High School where Sam coaches and baseball in the city of Las Vegas. You manage to profile the subject of the story with adequate details and descriptions and dialogue. For instance, the description of how “the grass on the field is so green it looks like no one has ever laid a foot on it” provides a vivid image of the grass in the readers’ mind. However, you would have done better to include more dialogue into the text to give it a livelier feel and break the monotony of narration. There are only two instances of dialogue. One of them is where Sam admits “yea its beautiful but it comes with a price” and where he narrates his accident.
The story picks up with Sam in his office and then follows it up with a brief history of the school and the team he coaches. This is followed up by a brief look into Sam’s history and the inspirations behind his job as a coach. Finally, you bring us back to the present and provide a slight glimpse into what the future holds for the main character of the story. This is evident in how your story finishes with “He knows that this year the pressure is on again to win a state championship.” Despite being taken back and forth in the story you have used flashback to create a logical organization to the text that keeps the readers engaged. It is difficult to criticize this portion you have done a great job organizing the text’s structure.
You manage to maintain a strict third person point of view throughout the text. If the aim was to give the story a documentary feel, then you have surely achieved it. Take for instance how the second paragraph begins, “After high school, he made a name for himself in the entertainment industry on the Las Vegas strip,” which further shows your clear focus on the subject. The story commendably stays with its main angle of the story, which is how Sam has gotten to where he is and what the fu...
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