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Essay Available:
Pages:
1 page/≈275 words
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Check Instructions
Style:
MLA
Subject:
Literature & Language
Type:
Essay
Language:
English (U.S.)
Document:
MS Word
Date:
Total cost:
$ 3.6
Topic:

Feed back Essay. Literature & Language Assignment.

Essay Instructions:

Pay attention little one. Your essay is supposed to be 3 pages long. Don’t let like get in the way of your education. You have a good voice in your writing, but you still have to adhere to the rules of structure. As you revise, keep the following suggestions in mind:
1) Establish strong claims: Your claims are expected to carry the paragraph so you need to make sure it is strong enough. Sometimes you can find the claim buried in the paragraph or you can build on the one that you have by simply answering a “W” question within it. In your first body paragraph, you argue that “Not long after being attached, he met another girl and ended up picking her over me,” but is this what you are proving or are you really arguing that being someone’s friend once you catch feelings is a bad idea because it prolongs y our pain? You need strong claims that you are actually supporting so you don’t fall into story mode. 
2) Supporting your Thesis and Claims:  It is essential that you begin each of your paragraphs with a strong claim and that each of your claims helps you further the argument laid out in your thesis. One way to ensure that this is taking place is directly linking your claims to your thesis, this way you ensure that you are not moving away from your argument and losing your focus. Each of your claims is further evidence, proving that the argument you laid out in your thesis is true. You also need to make sure that, ultimately, you are proving all aspects of your thesis. If you argue it in your thesis, you better be darn sure that you are tackling it as you develop the ideas in your essay. For instance, how does the fact that Ty met another girl and picked her over you (paragraph 2) help you further the argument that if you are afraid of sharing your true personality with someone in fear that they won’t like you, maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place (thesis)? Does this make sense? Without strong claims and a clear thesis that have connections, your essay (and argument will fall apart).  
3) Evidence should be reflected in Claims: Make sure that your claim reflects the evidence you are using in your body paragraphs. The purpose of the paragraph is to support your claims. I never assume that the claim is the main idea, because often times I discover that it is not. Instead, I consider the evidence laid out in the paragraph and think about what type of claim would go with this evidence. Ask yourself if you have multiple ideas in the paragraph and if so, consider breaking up those ideas and develop them in additional paragraphs.   
    Good luck as you continue to revise. 

Essay Sample Content Preview:
Your name
Professor’s name
Name of subject
Date of submission
I have already read your output, and there are intriguing insights that you have included. You have a good writing strategy, but I believe that there are still areas to improve on. Please take note of the following:
It is a good idea to use Beauty and the Beast as an analogy to emphasize that the monstrosity is not solely based on the appearance. However, I found that part a bit weak. In my personal view, as I go through the introduction part, I was not able to notice the main point of that statement, except when I read it for the second time. I think you can include a more reader-friendly analogy with regards to monstrosity. It can be in the form of real-life scenarios. Nevertheless, the introduction part was okay.
I have also noticed that there are areas where you have lacking explanations with your claims. There are statements that I found hanging because there are deficient justifications for your interpretations of monstrosity. One particular example is with the part where you have mentioned hypocrisy and selfishness with the line “You wouldn’t shoot a lady, would you”. I was not able to quickly grasp the angle of your interpretation with that line. I suggest that if you push through with your claims that the statement reflects hypocrisy and selfishness, then you should have expounded it further. Well, I have found the mentioned words of the grandmother as something that is more into greed without a hint of hypocrisy. Another example of a claim which has been weakly supported is the claim that the use of “wishes” and “dead” imply inhumanity. However, there could have been further analogy with the other parts of the story, which can provide more reliable support to this claim.
I have also observed from your output that you have repetitively mentioned the hypocrisy and selfishness of the term as the monstrous traits of the grandmother. Yes, you have presented several analogies with her characteristics. However, I think that you have overmentioned these words, which makes them more redundant. Since you have already claimed at the start of the third paragraph that those two terms were her traits, I suggest that you should have continued presenting ideas that will support the claim. This suggestion will not only prevent the repetition of words, but this may also allow you to give more ideas about this specific claim. There are even statements that I find out of place. I am in particular with the account, “With these characteristics, O’Connor has presented the monstrous being of the grandmother—selfish and hypocritical”. You have already established this claim previously. Hence, you do not need to repeat it at the end of the same paragraph. If you want to re-emphasize it, however, you may want to make a separate paragraph to con...
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