Elements of a Good Poem, Sound Devices, Rhythm, and Diction

Critiquing A Poem
Student's Name
Institutional Affiliation
Course Name and Number
Professor's Name
Assignment Due Date
Critiquing A Poem
Tracks of the Wandering Mind (Poem)
I want sometimes naught but to weep
As standing by the trestle deep
I long to follow that railroad train
To a realm of dream that's free of pain.
What an urge I have to stray somewhere
On a train that's bigger than a bear
which climbs up toward old mountain peaks
And watch the sea for days and weeks.
A train to some vast tropic isle
Where swaying beauty makes me smile.
But the trains of reality just skitter off
And my city home where pollution does cough
Doesn't let me see the pyramids
Or drink till dawn with memory's kids,
Or ride off to the Orient
To get away from this discontent.
But today something inside me went through a shift
And gave my spirits that needed lift,
And I bid adieu to my dreams of escape
while the train roared through like a ghostly shape.
Revised Poem
I want sometimes naught but to weep
As standing by the trestle deep
I long to follow that railroad train
To a realm of dream that's free of pain.
What an urge I have to stray somewhere
On a train that's bigger than a bear
Climbing up toward old mountain peaks
And watch the sea for days and weeks.
A train to some vast tropic isle
Where swaying beauty makes me smile.
But the trains of reality just skitter off
And my city home where pollution does cough
Doesn't let me see the pyramids
Or drink till dawn with memory's kids,
Or ride off to the Orient
To get away from this discontent.
But today something inside me went through a shift
And gave my spirits that needed lift,
And I bid adieu to my dreams of escape
while the train roared through like a ghostly shape.
The poem is well written. The poe...