Language Strategies in the Discussion about Lack of Sleep

Writing Style
After an in-depth review of paragraphs, it is evident that the revised version is more concise logical and provides a chronological flow of ideas. The author articulates ideas incoherent and cohesive manner to address the topic. Although both paragraphs use similar sources, the author in the second version synthesizes the information to offer support to the topic in question. The revised version is more specific and provides comprehensive information about sleep deprivation. Thus it has more accurate data about the concepts in the sources. For instance:
* In extreme cases, lack of sleep can cause death, such as a soccer fan who suffered a stroke after watching the 2014 World cup for 48 hours.
* Sleep experts state that people who do not sleep enough are likely to suffer from stroke four and halftimes.
* Statistics from a recent study at California Berkeley University show that lack of sleep for one night can increase anxiety levels.
* According to researchers, lack of sleep causes the prefrontal cortex to process emotions slowly, thus leading to increased anxiety levels.
When writing an essay it is crucial to incorporate language st...