Personal Reaction to Trauma

Loss: A Short (Traumatic) History
That was a moment a sweeping sense of frustration weighed down on me, as if I was sinking into a bottomless ocean. The expectations were rooftop: smarter company, exciting experience and shining professional prospects. The “signs” I picked up, or signaled to me, showed a direction everyone was sure I was destined to. More, an excellent record, strong recommendations and sky-high spirits were in abundance. That was one of a few rare moments when your family, educator, peers and everyone you know agree, almost in consensus, you are destined for something. That something, everyone said, was up to me: I was just meant for something. In cherishing moments of celebration, praise and constant encouragement, I was lost, I admit, into halos of glory, success and, well, wealth. These moments, I found out, are a construct, a make-believe, a delusion I – and, for that matter, anyone cherishing such moments without restraint – indulge in so deep and for so long until a moment, a crushing moment, of actual confrontation erupts, as a huge helium ball up in air, once admired by everyone, now diving down, drawn out of helium – and pomp. That moment was – is – not a moment unique to me, of course not. The impact of such a moment, a universal one, is, instead, unique to everyone. That moment, my moment of loss, was unique in impact. That moment I came to a realization I just cannot. That was – is – hard. The culmination in one HUGE moment of loss after a string, in fact a very long string of successes, makes such a moment stand out as extremely painful and, I suspect, enduring. There is, I suspect as well, some sunny side to my moment of loss. The curve of education, change of perspective and enlightenment started in success, peaked at a HUGE moment of loss and is currently plateauing into moments of self-reflection, understanding and, most importantly, a change in worldview. The journey – not actually very long if compared to, say, spiritual journeys – I have undergone is road, once not taken, is, I see, a road I am going
along. To understand, to see, where I am now and where I have come from, I need to go back not so long ago to recall, not so much to agonize over pain and loss yet to draw wisdom and maintain a worldview I have converted to.
The celebrations of a (happy) New Year were erupting, as always, everywhere. The fireworks, mutual congratulation...