Is Remote Learning Really a Success?

Plz edit the essay according to the colored phrases. Make the statement more convincing.
the essay should only be 4 pages.

Courageous taking the “minority” view ( a polemic). The prose mostly flows smoothly. 

The content does need work to seem more convincing, and the revision should include advanced punctuation.

INFORMAL NOTES — Good start; there was a technical issue that blocked some phrases (I think).  When considering pro/con, it can work well to set up a table/chart (to connect a pro & a con on the same topic) — the way they’re segregated in this brainstorming could have created problems in the essay.

CONCEPTS:  Need strengthening.  Your main idea here refers to learning, which fits the theme selected by the class, remote learning.  But the argument doesn’t really address learning, as a cognitive and social process; it presents points about dressing, commuting, lying in bed or going out somewhere else, selecting classes and not having to rush for 10 minutes between classes.  The main values expressed are what’s comfortable, easy, convenient, perhaps more related to lifestyle.

Experiment with re-wording the main idea. “Advantage” is a strong word, implying better than. Test “for some lifestyles”. It might help to email me the new draft main idea statement.  

WORDS:  They seem improved.  Pink marks some issues, as a reminder to watch out esp for subject/verb and articles. 

GRADE:  if not revised well, this would fall in the lower B  range

                                                Is Remote Learning Really that Bad?

Ok; “that bad” does render this more informal & conversational, less like a college voice

INTRO: good draft; fix the main idea after developing ideas in the body

Opening:  This one isn’t yet alluring;  try your 2nd sentence, OR your narrative of the horrors of a day going to class on campus

 COVID-19 knocked people off balance with its abrupt change in our lifestyle.   It locked people at home, pummeled the education system, and overthrew the traditional learning methods. People have been complaining about the negative aspects of remote learning, claiming that "online classes aren't what they paid for." Details would enrich this They believe they deserve a much more engaging learning environment and a more effective learning style< rephrase, check “learning style”. Is online session really a debacle? While people are unease about this newly adapted system, we have to admit that remote sessions have their distinct advantages when it comes to learning more effectively in many aspects.      

Good scenario. Test whether * this could serve as the opening; * it could provide a kind of background, if fleshed out with more aspects of the ordeal of attending classroom classes

Imagine the following scenario: Startled by the sound of the alarm, agitated and wrenched, you wriggled but still failed to get out of your bed. You were then defeated by the fate of conquering 10 blocks of howling wind and snow just to make it alive to the classroom. You may have to repeat the same fate five times a week, 10 times if you have both morning and afternoon classes. Try narrating your other “con”s, about having to pick an outfit, dashing between classes, for a full portrait of the ordeal of attending regular classes….None of these would've happened if you were on zoom. Probably starting a new paragraph>

Remote learning provides people with a far more flexible [less time commuting, more free time? or more self-paced work, less time in the class session? ] schedule. GOOD USE OF SOURCES, just revise to indicate whose voice is coming, presenting the author & kind of source first; let readers know whose voice is coming ”I do not have to commute to campus, which would take at least 2 hours out of my day every day" (Armstrong). Eliminating W commute to school subsequently helps students save money from their limited college budget, and people could utilize the time saved by studying from home more efficiently. ”I don't have to spend an hour and $61 to commute to Atlanta campus via MARTA" (Armstrong).  SOME READERS WILL THINK: But some people want to experience the outside world, with varied weather; some enjoy commuting as a transition between spheres, or even a chance to focus on HW;  some actually want/need to get away from problematic homes

The flexibility of remote learning also offers a broader choice of courses.  Students used to choose their courses by working around the university schedule. Clarify: online courses meet at fixed times too  Some factors taken into account during the course enrollment may include forgoing back-to-back classes due to the long-distance "college-run" between classes. SOME READERS WILL THINK:  is this dash such a horrific ordeal?  is it worse than social isolation or screen fatigue?    Online classes make it much easier for students to accommodate more classes into their schedule. CLARIFY: does this mean, take more courses (but how many would they take, beyond the normal 4,5,6?), or something about the course menu, which ones are available to them?   They could enroll in any courses without considering the locations or time factors.  It could help your argument to split up time & location — location offers a stronger point about students living elsewhere  Remote learning not only saves people from the long, dreadful commute but also from the scurry between class periods. SOME READERS WILL THINK: a student likes getting the blood flowing moving between classes; a student likes seeing people in the corridors or plaza; a student commutes part-way with a classmate; a student finds back-to-back classes online just as onerous; a student doesn’t have strong wifi, or a personal laptop, to accomodate many classes & online schoolwork each day…

            Many students prefer online class as it offers the flexibility to study wherever they want. CLARIFY: do you mean study (which you could always do where you wanted), or attend class? By attend class wherever, that is still limited by wifi access and social distancing under Covid19, isn’t it?  What kind of places do people like you prefer to be while attending class? Why is that preferable to a room alongside other people in the same class?  Working or studying from home also frees people from struggling to know what to wear for classes. SOME READERS WILL THINK:  it doesn’t sound like actual suffering (compared to social alienation), and not everyone agonizes over fashion, while some enjoy choosing outfits for peers and seeing others’ clothing.  SOME READERS WILL THINK:  Later you refer to preparation for jobs — isn’t dress also part of that?   Having no dress code provides students the freedom to wear whatever they want. code = official school policy, usually detailed; you might mean expectations Students could stream in wearing their pajamas or lying on their beds.< NICE DETAIL; MORE LIKE THIS ELSEWHERE WOULD HELP The comfort of your home may serve to invigorate efficiency and boost creativity. < COUNTER1:  do all students have this kind of cozy home?.  COUNTER2 EFFICIENCY — why are PJs more efficient?  COUNTER 3> CREATIVITY— needs example evidence, since most creative contributions in the past came when people were dressed formally, in studios, labs, libraries, etc.    // THE NEXT PASSAGE SWITCHING TO A NEW TOPIC, MAYBE A NEW PARAGRAPH?    Despite the challenges associated with the abrupt changes to the spring 2020 semester, more than half (53.6%) of the respondents [explain who, from which source] reported that they were able to stay motivated and complete their assignments on time. (Armstrong) Many studies not changed environments since the pandemic was announced, and changing classrooms, to library, to other campus sites might offer more change than staying home

            People have expressed concerns about students may experience difficulty accessing technology off-campus. (Armstrong) There is evidence that students face technology difficulties or internet glitches that impact their overall performance. preparation for work counter-argument; but you don’t raise that preparation point about your own points for online classes: commuting, getting dressed, adjusting to schedules

This paragraph is less focused than the others

 A lot of people are overwhelmed by dubiety,?  questioning the quality of remote education and student's ability to focus in class. It's hard to deny that online teaching does confine the large class discussion to a certain extent that may affect learning to be less engaging. A small percentage of students (3.4%) reported difficulty with staying motivated to learn. (Armstrong) In reality, it's quite the opposite. Online learning makes it much easier for students to focus in class. The traditional learning method does offer students more opportunities for open discussions, but maybe too much that it disturbs students' ability to concentrate on the right topic. SOME READERS WILL THINK: Don’t professors guide class conversation to stay on topic? can’t students veer off to celebrity gossip in an online class discussion or break-out groups? Or if you mean chatting before/after classes, doesn’t conversation foster peer bonds (even if about vapid topics), and isn’t social bonding good?    The chitchatting about the "Kardashians" or the classmates' gossiping divert people's attention and even waste class time.

Olen :  Ok, but explain the tangent/detour to younger kids, and whether it applies or not to college (or maybe reduce the passage)

Concerns about the quality of online sessions are common among parents of young children. Small children, as it turns out, will not sit in front of a computer to listen to a teacher or complete an assignment without supervision. (Olen) The fact that small children couldn't listen to a teacher without supervision is a consequence of a lack of self-discipline. The change in learning methods, face-to-face to online, is not the cause of their failing. Children who lacked self-discipline could still not listen to a teacher even the courses were conducted face-to-face. The flexibility to make their own hours could actually serve as an opportunity to improve their self-discipline.  [Here you turn to a topic that could be relevant, though you’d need to illustrate what you mean by discipline, and why traditional HW didn’t also cultivate it]  Furthermore, self-discipline cultivated through the classroom is different from that through remote learning as the latter serves as an internal drive. Self-discipline in face-to-face learning is nothing but an evanescent external drive, which is transient once the supervision is gone. < Need more explaining/evidence  Some students< referring to Olen’s piece? if so keep repeating the author’s name + a suitable verb  learned to manage their time (three responses), others had faculty support (19 responses)— helps to specify total, or the %? . (Armstrong) Remote learning benefits students in the long run. Clarify: long-run across a student’s life, if she stays online, or long-run meaning if colleges chose to keep the format, across all students? 

Sift points for the ones relevant to college (fidgeting?)

            Besides college students and children, another group of individuals could receive large benefits from online learning—people who can't get access to the recourses. While a few brats < pejoratives could be off-putting to readers  are fidgeting in front of a computer screen, some people are also fidgeting because they couldn't receive face-to-face education < Clarify:  you mean they aren’t accustomed to it? Why is sitting in class different from sitting with a laptop (why does fidgeting matter for college students?)  . One of the non-profit educational organization with the goal of educating students through remote learning, Khan Academy, benefits a large group of students with their online short lessons that varied from middle school literature to college calculus.   This easily accessible online learning method helps a lot of students who are struggling to achieve academic success. < stick to college level resources; if you have experience of the Writing Center you could note that kind of resource (online); also prof office hours

REVISE conclusion after refining your argument

Online learning benefits different groups of people do you mean many people who are varied? or that it’s better for some groups than others?  That would need clarifying and demonstrating in the body in various aspects ways?. It's clearly not a debacle that fails education< overstated, since your essay hasn’t fairly considered the other perspectives. Instead, it offers people a novel ?? it’s been around awhile; what’s new is that it’s now so widespread opportunity to achieve academic success [we have to admit that there are plenty of striking advantages that we cannot disregard.< This is approaching a more suitable overall statement

Work-Cited  GOOD: THE 1ST IS APA FORMAT, 2ND IS MLA — USE MLA FOR ALL

Armstrong-Mensah E, Ramsey-White K, Yankey B and Self-Brown S (2020) COVID-19

and Distance Learning: Effects on Georgia State University School of Public Health

Students. Front. Public Health 8:576227. doi: 10.3389/fpubh.2020.576227

Olen, Helaine. " It’s time to admit it: Remote education is a failure." The Washington

Post  Dec. 2, 2020. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/12/02/remote-

education-failure-coronavirus/