Confusing Love with Obsession and the Four Stages of Obsessive Love Wheel

Literature & Language
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Institution
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Confusing Love with Obsession
Introduction
Obsession and love share hallmarks that make it quite difficult to distinguish them. They both involve a compelling emotion, pleasantness between partners at the start of their association, and selflessness. However, there are several red lights when love degenerates into an ominous obsession. Love is a healthy feeling that blossoms between partners, while obsession is a dangerous emotion that mostly leads to heartbreak and sometimes even death. Physical and emotional violence, insecurity and jealousy, and scrutiny by partners amount to abuse. When someone is obsessed with a partner, one directs all attention to the object of their 'twisted' love at the expense of oneself.
Some individuals know not that intimate partner violence is a violation of human rights or do not care. But then, ignorance is no defense, and even they feel a tinge of guilt when tormenting their partners. Obsession starts with a desire to control a partner’s interactions, finances, and movement. Verbal abuses follow before it often culminates into physical violence, rape, or even worse.
Confusing Love with Obsession: The Book
Most characters in John Alan Lee's book, Confusing Love with Obsession, are in a Mania. This kind of relationship shows an obsession that stems from low self-esteem (Lee, 1973). It is a resultant style from the combination of styles Eros and Ludos based on a strong physical attraction and a desire to conquer the objects of one's desires respectively (Lee, 1973). Lovers of this kind grow overprotective of their partners and jealous of anyone that might command their partners’ attention. A selfish desire to have these partner all to oneself makes them cut off their partner’s social life in a bid to ward off any potential competitors. Obsessed partners often feel powerless to leave an abusive relationship and instead resort to control their partners as if in a game. This is often counterproductive as it has the reverse effects. Lovers feel trapped and start to seek a way out. When they cannot control their partners, they cut off almost everyone from their partners. In this way, they think they are preventing a possible avenue to infidelity.
One of the characters that have these obsessive traits is Nancy. Despite being Ron's wife of twelve years, she is obsessed. She is so protective of him that, unbeknownst to her, she starts to control him. She starts wondering if she is 'ugly or something' to warrant such behavior from her husband. Typical of obsessive partners, she starts to blame herself for her misfortunes. Obsession drives her to call her husband's office fourteen times when she suspects that he is dishonest about his whereabouts. Nancy even admits that Ron has cheated on her before with another woman. She had gained her revenge by getting the woman Ron had involved himself with dismissed. Nancy also intends to exact some form of retribution on Denise, with whom Ron is involved. She thinks of slashing the tires of Denise's car or ordering clothes in Denise's name so that she will have to keep depending on Ron to foot her bills. Nancy is remotely aware of her hand in her predicament as she had trapped her...