Response to draft: the journal of process Literature & Language Essay

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Etiquette Dinner
I enjoyed reading The Journal of Progress, especially because it gave me an opportunity to understand and explore how writers write about other people’s work. I spent some minutes scanning before reading the first draft to understand the main idea in the story and grasp ideas about the characters. I found the story somehow confusing, especially with a lot of grammatical mistakes. The second paragraph is, for instance, too long to read. The writer has only used commas to make it sound better, but still makes the story too hard to read and master the point that the writer is trying to communicate. There is also no introduction in the story. The draft starts with some sentences that hardly make sense before the writer starts narrating the story, leaving one wondering whether it was a continuation of a story or whether some pages have been removed from the story to make it shorter. I think that the writer could have put an introduction of a brief history of how the dog joined the family or how the characters ended up meeting before delving into a narration of the intimacy relationship between the characters of her story. The use of excessive repetition of words and telling a story in simple language makes it easy for anyone to understand, but ends up losing the attention of the reader when starts using words like “…like a girl giving a blow job” (Richter 4). Although it is a romance story, I think that the writer could have maintained a professional language to maintain the narrative and wit=n the attention of the reader through a respectable language.
There are two main important points of revision that the editors have made to the draft. First is to rearrange the story so that it can flow and give it a meaning. The original draft made sense but it was too complex for one to concentrate on, especially because the writer was mixing up ideas...