Why People Lie in Romantic Relationships

Why People Lie in Romantic Relationships
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Why People Lie in Romantic Relationships
It is widely thought that honesty, trust, and sincerity with one's partner are the most important qualities of a successful relationship. Indeed, most family counselors cite confiding in each other, trust and openness toward the other partner as major factors for creating stable and conflict-free relationships (Davis & Oathout, 1987). However, research studies indicate that these principles are not practical in reality. Occasionally, people find it necessary to lie to their loved ones because being truthful will hurt the person being lied to or can be disastrous to the relationship. Deception is defined as a “a psychological process” through which a person deliberately and willingly “attempts to convince another person to accept as true what the liar knows to be false, to gain some type of benefit or to avoid loss'(Agosta, Pezzoli, & Sartori, 2013, p. 256). This situation has raised scholarly interest in better understanding the phenomenon of lying in romantic relationships.
This is an important topic to research given the fact that almost all human beings get into a relationship at one time or another. At the same time, research findings on this topic can shed light on the causes of breakups in relationships and the prevalence of divorce today. This paper hypothesizes that people engage in deception in relationships because they fear revealing their dark side, or negative aspects about their life that may anger or offend their partners and lead to termination of the relationship. The nature of deception, however, varies depending on the level of bonding and attachment in a specific relationship. For instance, deception can occur between married partners who are close to each other as well as between partners who are not close, but for different reasons. Cole (2001) argues that it is common for people to lie to their loved ones to protect them from truths that can hurt their feelings. In contrast, people in unstable relationships can lie to avoid worsening an already fragile situation (Depaul & Kashy, 1998). It is reasonable, therefore, to hypothesize that deception in a romantic relationship is inevitable. However, as the research studies indicate, what distinguishes the different situations in which deception occurs is the motive of the deceiver. Thus, some lies can be termed as being motivated by altruism, in which a person tells a lie for the best interests of the one being deceived. On the other hand, people who are concerned about their self-esteem and image will engage in deception to portray themselves in a positive light.
Deception, the tendency to create false impressions about one's self, facts, and others has been identified as one of the causes of conflicts and termination of romantic relationships (Jang, Smith, & Levine, 2002). This occurs when the...