Growth and Life Experiences Based on Circles of Sexuality

Circles of Sexuality
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Sensuality
Accepting myself was a continuous struggle as even today, I cannot ultimately say that I know and accept myself, especially when it comes to sensuality, precisely body image, and fantasies.
Body Image
I know that I do not have the best body that people think nor accommodate the universal standard of beauty. Nevertheless, my body is like a threshold of who I am, and accepting my outer appearance is like accepting the reality of who I am. When I was young, I thought of myself to be a center of attraction as my family built up such an environment, and as I soon was aware of the reality in society, I started to determine that I am not that different from others and the attraction that I gained before was nothing of what reality is. This realization hit me hard as I was already unconsciously conscious of that reality even before I realized it, which made me reflect so much.
Fantasies
My inner self tends to have been driven by curiosity. This was the engine that fueled my fantasies from when I was young up until now. Honestly, as I do not have the confidence in my physical self, I also cannot voice out my fantasies, and they remain in the deepest side. It was the time when I was still young and full of life when I accidentally watched a film that was not good for my age. Since then, the image I saw continuously showed itself in my head and even in my dreams. Having curiosity, I started to research the things I wanted to know while not knowing how grave these curiosities were. I was called out by my parents and was lectured about my curiosities.
Sexual Intimacy
Being introverted and extroverted, depending on the situation, I will talk about intimacy, specifically the loving and trust between myself and the people who surround me.
Loving/Liking
When it comes to the act of loving and liking, the first that would come up in my mind would always be my parents, as they were the first intimate relationship that I had as soon as I was given life. This love action has been continuously mutual since then and now, which I hold dear. Also, my previous relationships are considered part of this act of love as this served as the foundation in building our intimacy which was also foregone after the relationship ended. After every experience, I learned that there will always be hard times and events that will challenge the relationship to the brim. These experiences led me to understand that intimacy can help build strength in a relationship, but it will not always be like that, that it was only one of its many things.
Trust
This has been another foundation for a relationship to work, and this I will talk about my past relationships and how trusting made me realize many things. One of my relationships presented me with the idea that trust should be given in a relationship, and at the same time, it should be earned as well and should not be taken for granted. It was when my partner and I were at the stage of being challenged. We both took for granted the trust we had that eventually led to the end of our relationship. It was a hard time, but we had the closure that we needed and learned from our mistakes.
Sexual Identity<...