Nominalization, Redundancy, and the Active and Passive Voices

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Exercise 3.6
1 Lincoln’s hope was for the peaceful preservation of the Union, but the South’s attack on Fort Sumter made war an inevitability.
* Lincoln hoped to preserve the Union without war peacefully, but the war became inevitable when the South attacked Fort Sumter.
2 Attempts were made on the part of the President’s aides to assert his immunity from a Congressional subpoena.
* The President’s aides attempted to immunize him from a Congressional subpoena.
3 There were predictions by business executives that the economy would experience a quick revival.
* The business executives predicted that the economy would experience a quick revival.
4 Your analysis of my report omits any data in support of your criticism of my findings.
* When you criticized my findings, you did not support your analysis of my report with data.
Exercise 4.2
1 Independence is gained by young people when skills are learned that the marketplace values.
Improved
* Young people gained independence when they learned the skills that are valued by the marketplace.
2 Different planes of the painting are noticed, because their colors are set against a background of shades of gray that are laid on in layers that cannot be seen unless the surface is examined closely.
Improved
* You can notice different planes of the painting because the painter set their colors against a background of gray shades laid on layers; you need to examine the surface closely to see them.
3 In this article, it is argued that the Vietnam War was fought to extend influence in Southeast Asia and was not ended until it was made clear that the United States could not defeat North Vietnam unless atomic weapons were used.
Improved
* This article argues that the United States fought the Vietnam War to extend influence in Southeast Asia and did not end until North Vietnam made it clear that it could only be defeated if the United States used atomic weapons.
4 Science education will not be improved in this nation to a level sufficient to ensure that American industry will be supplied with skilled workers and researchers until more money is provided to primary and secondary schools.
* The government needs to provide more money to primary and secondary schools to improve science education to a sufficient level to ensure that the American industry will have skilled workers and researchers in the future.
Exercise 9.1. Prune the redundancy of these sentences.
1 Critics cannot avoi...