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Discussion Assignment: Implementing a Revision Strategy (Coursework Sample)


First, looking over each section of the draft, in what area did you feel you did particularly well? What made it so strong, and how will you use these strengths in other sections of the draft that may need additional work?
Second, select a single paragraph from your essay that you think needs the most work. Then, using one of the revision strategies outlined in the reading this week, revise the paragraph. Remember to go further than surface-level tweaks like grammar and mechanics—the paragraph should be thoroughly revised.
Your response posts should be at least one fully developed paragraph (5-8 sentences) in length.


Implementing a Revision
Implementing a revision
From the draft, the introduction was well done. It explains the cases of bullying in a short and precise way. The points move from effects of bullying, exposure of the cases and who does the bullying. It completes by emphasizing the different categories of people who face bullying in the workplaces. The clarity of the case in the first paragraph made it strong to give direction on the subsequent paragraph. These were used in the other paragraphs to give details of the subject matter.
The second paragraph needs the most work. In giving out the details in a clearer way, it would appear as below.
These cases include sexual advancements, gender intimidation, age and racism. In the details, explanations should show why some people choose to bully others and hindrances to protection against such characters in the work places.Ways of bullying is the core of the essay so as to highlight cases of harassment and other cases that people report in the name of bullying. A research by Paul (2014) adds that weaknesses of people cannot allow them to protect or protest bullying at the work place. Before concluding a case, it would be better if it considered on two ways. First, is it a character of the person to bully? Secondly, was the victim responsible for the cases of bullying? Such consideration will help to avoid cases of prejudiced judgment. After which, it will be easy for an organization to act in the right way to end the cases of bullying. The bullies will have to change that which make...
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