Peer review of 3 essays.Literature & Language Coursework.

Essay Peer Review
Your Name: ________________________________ Writer’s Name: Mackenzie Swift
1 How does the title of the essay affect you as a reader?
The essay lacks a title
2 Locate the thesis paragraph(s). How can the thesis paragraph (usually NOT the first paragraph) be stronger and clearer? Is the writer convincing there? What would you suggest be added to make it clearer and more emphatic?
The introductory paragraph doubles up as the thesis paragraph. The writer brings forward a contrast in the first three statements. It is ironic that the writer is not a vegan but wants to convince his readers to be vegan because eating animal products is unhealthy. The writer should not tell us about his stand on animal versus plant products if his essay is to get maximum attention.
3 Can you locate a paragraph of the opposing argument? Does the opposing argument offer examples? How can the writer more successfully use an alternative viewpoint to clarify his or her Slant or thesis?
The second paragraph opposes the general argument of the essay. Swift, the writer, says that factory farming is good because it is a source of protein. Swift, however, does not back up his argument with an example in this paragraph.
4 How effective is the opening paragraph in engaging and interesting you as a reader, and how can it be improved?
The opening ...